Serendipity Magazine

Thank You Card

Serendipity Magazine — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:55:24 +0000

How to be a Thank You Card Expert

After all the festivities from the wedding are over and you have come back from your restful honeymoon, there is one more task to take care of before you put your wedding to rest. You must thank your guests for attending your special day and for any gifts that they have given you to start your new life as husband and wife. Here are some tips and information to make this process easier and without any etiquette mistakes.

Handwritten Cards

Never ever send a preprinted thank you card. A preprinted card, tells the person receiving the thank you that their gift didn’t mean enough to you to even receive a mention in your note. It makes you look lazy and rude and many people will never forget it. A handwritten note tells the guest how much you appreciated the gift and how it will be cherished for years after the wedding.

Mentioning of Gifts

You need to send a thank-you card with a handwritten note on it for each gift you get for your bridal shower and wedding. If you receive a shower gift from a friend or relative and then, three weeks later, receive a wedding gift from the same person, it is not etiquette to thank them in one card. Your note should include a line or two referring to the gift from that person and thanking them for coming to the shower or wedding. For monetary gifts, do not mention the amount or form of the money, but just refer to the “generous gift” and tell them how you plan to use the money, such as for your future home or honeymoon. Never write that the gift will be returned, even if you received four coffee makers. Lastly, check and re-check to make sure the person you are thanking for a gift is actually the person who sent it. Other than misspelling a guest’s name, nothing is more unflattering than mixing up guests and gifts.

Timing

Shower gifts should be acknowledged within ten days of the party and wedding gifts within two weeks after returning from the honeymoon. Wedding gifts that arrive before the wedding, should be responded to immediately, so that an extended period of time does not pass between receiving the gift and it’s thank you. It is not etiquette to send your thank you cards more than three months after the wedding. Your promptness shows more appreciation and better manners, and it reassures guests that their gift was not lost or stolen so write them as soon as possible!

Return Address

Be sure to put your new return address on all thank you cards. Your guests will appreciate having your current and correct address. You can have your return address preprinted on your envelopes or use personalized labels. You should still handwrite the address of the guest to whom you are sending thanks.

Types of Thank You Cards

A popular idea is to write your thank-you notes on a photo greeting card that you took from the wedding. Some couples will even make a Thank you sign to hold and take the photo on the wedding day. Also, colored ink is readily available in your favorite stationery store today, but it is still more appropriate to write your notes in dark blue or black. It is more easily readable for your guest accepting the card.

Final Tip

Even if the guest did not give a gift, it is still important to send them a thank you card that says, “Thank you for attending.” We guarantee everyone will note whether you sent gracious thank-you notes or not, so make your first impression as husband and wife a good one!

Who pays for the wedding?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:59:25 +0000

Traditionally the bride’s family foots the bill for almost every expense, but today more often that not, the groom’s family and the newlyweds pitch in, too. Forty percent of today’s couples pay their own wedding costs, particularly if the wedding is a second one. Up to 70 percent of weddings are paid for either by the couple or by some combination of the bride’s and groom’s parents. It’s quite common for both the bride’s and the groom’s families to share the costs of the celebration, or for the bride and the groom to pay for all or part of the expenses themselves.
Traditions may evolve but manners still lead the way. It is still not correct for the bride’s family to ask the groom’s family to pay any of the wedding costs. If, however, his family offers to pay a share, it is quite appropriate for the bride’s parents to accept. When families are willing to share the costs, the bride and groom should consider the range of possibilities ahead of time and be sure that they are in agreement about the budget before discussing it with their parents.

Is it rude to suggest monetary gifts?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:58:51 +0000

Well, you should never ask for specific gifts, monetary or otherwise. What you can do is let them know, if they ask, that you would prefer cash gifts. Let your parents, siblings, wedding party, and close friends know too and if guests ask them, have them relay your preference. However, whatever you do, don’t mention it on the invitation! If guests are curious, they’ll ask someone close to you what you would types of gifts your would like to receive. Still, some guests will want to buy you material gifts so it’s a good idea to register somewhere for a few items. In addition, many travel companies and agents have honeymoon registries that allow guests to contribute to a couple’s honeymoon-trip fund. Just be sure you work with a reputable company and that they have a system for advising you of each person’s gift.

What is the significance of the unity candle?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:58:14 +0000

An eloquent and popular addition to many marriage services, the lighting of a single candle symbolizes a couple’s unity. Usually, the mothers of the bride and groom light two individual candles to represent their child and during the ceremony the bride and groom each take a lit candle and set a third candle alight together. The individual candle can then be extinguished, but some couples keep them lit throughout the service as a sigh that they remain individuals within their union.
The unity candle ceremony can easily be adapted for outdoor ceremonies by having a sand ceremony. The bride and groom each have a vase filled with sand of two different colors and will combine them together into a larger bowl to signify their unity. This is a better option for outdoor ceremonies as wind can be a huge factor in keeping the candles lit. Another option would be to buy tall hurricanes to cover the candles and keep them from blowing out during the ceremony. The ceremony can take place at any point in the service, but it is usually taken place after the exchanging of the vows and rings.

Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:57:32 +0000

The guest list at a rehearsal dinner should include the members of the wedding party, the officiant, parents and grandparents of the bride and groom, and any siblings of the bride and groom who are not in the wedding party. Or, it can be a larger event, including all the out-of-town guests (or at least all those who will have already arrived in town for the wedding). It’s up to you, but the reason many couples do include out-of-towners (especially when the rehearsal dinner is the night before) is so they’re not left stranded in their hotel rooms. It’s all about being a good hostess. However, if you know the out-of-towners will be fine entertaining themselves, don’t worry about it.

How do we let guests know what store we registered our gifts at?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:56:53 +0000

The tried-and-true method of telling people about your gift registry is word of mouth. Make sure your parents, wedding party, and other close friends and family know where you’re registered, so that when people ask them they can let them know. People know to ask someone when they’re ready to buy you a present. It may seem impractical and frustrating to wait for people to ask but this is the best way so that you don’t offend your guests. Guests report being turned off by receiving wedding invitations that include gift registry information because they feel that the emphasis on gifts seems more important than the invitation to join a couple on their wedding day. However, it is okay for shower hosts to include your registry information in shower invitations, because gift giving is the highlight of the shower. Also, couples these days who create a website for their wedding include their registry information on the website.

Who should I seat next to whom at the head table? Is it ladies/gentlemen, or all the bridesmaids on one side and all the groomsmen on the other?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:56:06 +0000

Traditionally, the head table is seated ladies and gentlemen intermixed, starting with the best man next to the bride and the maid of honor next to the groom. But you don’t have to do it that way. You could seat all the ladies on the bride’s side and all the gentlemen on the groom’s, or let everyone sit where they want. Some couples will even have their parents sitting at the head table instead of their bridal party.

How many guests can each family invite?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:55:29 +0000

According to tradition, each family is allotted half of the desired total guest count, a figure that is largely determined by the person hosting the wedding. The way to start the guest list process is to combine all four lists, the bride, the groom, the bride’s parents, and the groom’s parents. Once this list is combined it becomes the master guest list. Each party should have a Guest List A (guests they must invite, i.e. immediately family), Guest List B (guests they want to invite, i.e. extended family), and Guest List C (guests that would be nice to include, i.e. family friends). It is necessary that everyone make up their list realistically. You can predict that 15%-20% of invited guests send regrets, however some people are more comfortable estimating a 10% margin for regrets.

My fiance and I are having a ceremony with a Western-style reception followed by a traditional Chinese banquet later that same evening. How can I fit three different events and locations on my invitations?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:54:47 +0000

First of all, it is just fine to list the reception on your ceremony invite, whether or not the party will be at the same location. In your case, put the address of the reception that will directly follow the ceremony on the bottom of the ceremony invitation, like this:

Reception to follow
Los Coyotes Country Club
8888 Los Coyotes Drive
Buena Park, Ca 90621

Then include a separate card for the banquet event:

Please join us for
a traditional Chinese wedding banquet
at New Capital Restaurant
140 W. Valley Blvd D-4th floor
San Gabriel, Ca 91776

Is it acceptable to invite single family and friends but not include “and guest” on their invitations?

Serendipity Magazine — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:54:00 +0000

This is a question that has come up between every couple planning their wedding. Although, it is gracious to allow single guests to bring a date so they won’t feel awkward or left out, if you can’t afford the extra guests, it may be even worse to cut people from your guest list just because you can’t let them bring a friend. Deal with this problem on a case-by-case basis. If you have friends and relatives that are in long-term relationships, you might want to consider inviting their partners because even though they’re not married, they’re committed.
Then, invite your more single friends and relatives without dates rather than crossing them off your guest list altogether. If anyone complains, simply explain your situation and let them know it is important that the attend the wedding, but that you can’t afford to invite dates. Then, carefully consider where to seat them at the reception; you may want to put them with other singles so they won’t get stuck at a table of couples.